Chapter 3
HOW TO BE A GOOD LOSER - WIN!!!or “DIVORCE”
In this chapter, we are going to discuss - divorce. Now, before you get your dukes up, I would like to invite you to hear me through, because I really want you to hear some good points after I present some “rough” ones.
We were sitting at the table with some friends of ours, when a young married couple asked us our opinions about divorce. I responded by asking, “Why, are you looking for an escape?” I picked up the Bible and began reading aloud. We are to have NO opinions about divorce except God’s. How about you? Hear the words of Jesus. St Matthew 5:31 & 32, “It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:” “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.”
Jesus speaks again in Matthew 19, verses 3 - 9: “The Pharisees also came unto Him, tempting Him, and saying unto Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?’ “ “And He answered and said unto them, ‘Have you not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?” “Wherefore they are no. more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” “They say unto Him, ‘Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?’ “ “He saith unto them, ‘Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, suffered you to put away your wives:
BUT FROM THE BEGINNING IT WAS NOT SO.
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” ‘ St. Mark also quotes Christ as above, including also these words of Jesus in chapter 10, verses 1 - 12, esp. 11 & 12: “And He saith unto them, ‘Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.”’
IS GOD FOR IT OR AGAINST IT?
Mark Twain allegedly wrote in his memoirs, “Went to church today. Preacher preached on sin.
Only problem was, I couldn’t rih’tly tell whether he was for it or again’ it.” But the Word of God is crystal clear on the subject of divorce. God is against divorce!!! Will you agree with Him? God hates it!
How about you?
Now, as we see it, there at least two major problems that relate to this subject. The first is that we need to agree with God on His views on the subject and agree that divorce is wrong. In other words, according to God, and the Bible, divorce is NOT an acceptable alternative. Divorce is NOT an option “when all else fails”. “When all else fails, quit!” Quitting must NOT even be in the thinking of the Lord’s disciple, except where it comes to “doing our own thing”. The second major problem, as we see it, is the attitude one is to have toward those who have already experienced a divorce.
SECOND THINGS FIRST
What should our thinking be about someone who has already been divorced, and or remarried? Why, of course, our thinking must be as God’s — that of loving forgiveness. For example, one major denomination still refuses to ordain anyone to the ministry who has been divorced and remarried.
Another kind of church refuses to allow its members to take communion, if they have been divorced. But what is one to do with a person who was divorced and remarried before they were even born-again, or where one person was legally without power to stop the other from divorcing, or where the other person has remarried? It is amazing that we would refuse to forgive what God has forgiven or that we insist on remembering what God has forgotten!!! For example, God forgives adultery, fornication, murder, rebellion, etc., WHEN THERE HAS BEEN TRUE REPENTANCE. But true repentance means first of all that we make no excuses, because IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD TO FORGIVE WHAT WE ARE EXCUSING. Here someone may be thinking, “But you don’t know the circumstances. You don’t know how I was treated. You don’t know what I had to go through.” Please remember God will not forgive what you are making excuses for. So the proper attitude is to repent of the divorce, not make excuses for it. This is basic. Please try to hear what the Lord is saying. But often we refuse to forgive someone, when God has forgiven that same someone. With this, as with everything, our thinking must agree with God’s. This takes us back to the first problem: that of agreeing with God that divorce is wrong and that divorce is NOT an acceptable alternative. In II Timothy 3:3, the Lord talks about “truce breakers”, or those who change their minds when the agreement becomes disagreeable. How under heaven can people solemnly swear on a white Bible in the presence of God and these witnesses, and then stop swearing and change their mind when the marriage is no longer fun and the witnesses are no longer present. Or how can a couple swear “for richer or poorer” then quit when things get poorer; or “in sickness or in health” when things no longer seem healthy; or “til death do us part” when death hain’t parted. Reminds us of so many would be disciples of the Lord who won’t be disciples of the Lord because they put their hand to the plow and then looked back. (Luke 9:62).
TO TELL THE TRUTH
When Jesus said, “Let your ‘Yea be ‘yea’, what He meant was, “Don’t let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Perhaps, if things don’t get too rough.’ “God says in Psalm 15 that a person will never be moved, and will continue to abide in His Presence if that one “speaks the truth in his heart” and “sweareth to his own hurt and changeth not.” What that simply means is that if we make a promise, or give our word, that we don’t break
that promise when it becomes no longer convenient to do so. But it is utterly amazing how people manage to come up with seemingly “reasonable” excuses for disobeying the Lord, or for lying. Can we so easily forget that liars, fornicators, and adulterers burn in hell, and “Forever is a long, long time to burn.” (Revelation 21:8 & Galatians 5:19-2 1. For more information, send for our article on “hell”.)
But it is totally unnecessary to burn in hell because God has provided a way of total forgiveness if there is
total repentance. Repent means to turn around and go the other way. Saying “I’m sorry”, and then going back to the same sin, like a dog to its vomit, is not repentance, and brings no forgiveness.
ANOTHER WAY OUT
What, then, are the alternatives? This book is full of them and so is God and His Word. The Truth is: one of the worst kinds of IDOLATRY = IS THAT WHICH EXALTS A PROBLEM TOA PLACE GREATER THAN GOD’S ABILITY TO SOLVE IT. Perhaps you have said, “My spouse has problems that are just too great. Spouse is too — or not enough —“. Or maybe you think that the problem with you is too great for God No! In the Mighty Name of the Mighty Creator King of All the Universe — NO!!! Our approach MUST BE — that “GOD IS GREATER THAN ANY PROBLEM I HAVE!!!” Here are at least three of the alternatives. Remember Divorce is NOT a choice!!!
Alternative #1. God can change you to conform to His will in the matter.
Alternative # 2. God can change your spouse to conform to His will. (Remember, God’s will is never divorce. See the above Scriptures.)
Alternative #3. God can kill whoever is refusing to change and if necessary provide a spouse that will conform to the will of God. Please note: we are not advocating that anyone pray for their spouse to die or any other kind of “witchcraft”. But we do recommend that everyone always be totally committed to God for His perfect will to be done in everyone. Look at the Scriptures. In both the Old and New Testaments, contrary to what you may believe, God DID kill people who got in the way of His will being fulfilled.
And He’s still doing it today!
“WHOA, hold up there!”, you may be saying. There may be cries of protest coming from those who think that God doesn’t “kill” anyone. Please read the Bible. Or if you have read it all the way through, and you still believe that God doesn’t kill people, better read it through again, unless you are one of those who likes to interpret or change the Bible to agree with your own pet way of thinking.
STORY OF NABAL AND ABIGAIL
The story of Nabal, Abigail, and David is really a classic! Here, in I Samuel 25, we recommend that you take the time to look up the whole chapter. It beautifully illustrates what can happen for those of you whose mates refuse to do or be the will of God!
It’s much less hassle, expense, no shame, only fond memories. You’ve got three choices. And divorce ain’t one of them.
“SAVE FOR THE CAUSE OF FORNIFICATION!”
We have some dear friends that pronounce it fornification like “fortification” or “for-a-vacation”. But I have other friends who, though they say it right
—they think it wrong. Our hearts can be deceptive. Like the guy who likes to wrongly quote, “Be wise as a serpent, and as harmless...” or, “Let the thief that stole, STEAL! No more let him work with his hands.” (Should read, “Steal no more. Let...” or “Do unto others, BEFORE they get a chance to do it to you!” or “We really can’t be perfect.” or “We really don’t HAVE to wear a head covering.” (Ephesians 4:2 8; Matthew 10:16; 5:48; etc.) Talk about wresting or twisting the Scriptures!
By that same faulty kind of “reasoning”, some folks RE-DEFINE fornication, for their “convenience”, to include a whole bunch of other things than fornication. They will wrongly say that fornication includes things like oral sex or masturbation or anal intercourse or some other such like and use this as an excuse to justify their getting a divorce. This is another example of “redefining a term” to one’s private advantage. The Bible and the dictionary clearly define fornication as being “the act (or lustful thought) of sex with an unmarried person.”
Even if such a thing happened, if there came genuine repentance and deliverance, the innocent party would still be obligated to forgive.
THE DAYS OF ANANIAS AND SAPPHIRA
RAVE RETURNED!!
God says that, “Judgment must begin at the house of God!” God wiped out every living person on the face of the earth, except Noah’s immediate family. And Lot’s wife and the whole town of Sodom, and of Gomorrah, and the first born of the Egyptians, and and in the New Testament, Herod, and Ananias and Sapphira and in the Book of Revelation, one third of the earth’s population, and 100 pound hail stones and blood running as high as the horses’ bridles for a distance of 200 miles!!! We are in favor of God being nice to people. But there is more at stake here than your precious marriage. The will of God, and the Glory of God and the Kingdom of God is really the issue. Your problem is that God has called you to walk with Him together in a marriage that’s on a Kingdom level, and your happiness will be directly proportional to your dedication to the Will of God as a team of disciples — a KINGDOM COUPLE COMPLETELY COMMITTED TO CHRIST THE CREATOR KING of all the Universe!!!
Please remember this fact THE ONLY INGREDIENT NECESSARY TO MAKE ANY RELATIONSHIP WORK,
IS MUTUAL COMMITMENT TO THE PERFECT WILL OF GOD!
Simply say “Yes.”, to Yahweh.
What else is there? What else would you want? What other kind of marriage do you desire? Consider the following prayer Lord I want and desire and choose for me and my marriage to make You happy. Glorify Your Name. Do Your WILL Jesus be the Lord and Master of our marriage and of all that we have and are, always In Jesus’ Name, Amen
SUMMARY
To summarize, God is against divorce. And if you are presently married, then divorce is NOT a consideration, NOT a choice, NOT an alternative, NOT an option. If you have been divorced or remarried already, then complete forgiveness is available if there is complete repentance, and you are NOT a second class citizen of the Kingdom. “Forgetting those things which are behind, and pressing on to those things which are ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13b & 14).
On the positive side, God has called and chosen for your marriage to be a trophy of triumph and a Kingdom marriage on a Kingdom level, with God as the total Lord and Master of your marriage. If your spouse is not conforming to the will of God and you are, then you can believe for God to change your mate! IT’S POSSIBLE! If your mate or anyone is standing in the way of the fulfillment of God’s will, God’s plan, or God’s glory, and that person refuses to co-operate, then God can gently remove them from this life, so that you can be free to do the will of God. Revelation 11:15 declares that all the kingdoms of this world will come under the Lordship-Kingship of Jesus Christ or be destroyed, and that includes the kingdom of your marriage and the kingdom of your family and the kingdom of your self.
Heavenly Father, we come under Your Lordship and into Your Kingdom. We give to Thee our all now and always In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
REVIEW — CHAPTER 3
- Is divorce, ever the perfect will of God?
- When a person vows, “before God, and in the presence of these witnesses, for better or for worse, as long as both shall live,” do you think that God excuses a person to go back on those vows, when they become inconvenient?
- Do you think that divorce is ever an “acceptable alternative”?
- Are you willing to pray this prayer, “Lord cause me to glorify Your name, advance Your Kingdom and spread Your Gospel And if I do not, then change me. And if You cannot change me then please kill me, or what ever it takes for You to keep me from ever hindering the spreading of the Gospel for Your Kingdom, to keep me from bringing shame to Your Name.”?
- Do you think that God will forgive those who have been divorced?
- What do we mean when we say that we should
not treat divorced people who have repented, as “second class citizens” of the Kingdom?
- What must a divorced person do about their divorce, in the presence of God?
- What must a divorced person never do, in the presence of God or man about their former divorce?
- Define the word, “fornication
- Complete this statement, “The worst kind of idolatry, is that idolatry that
- Your happiness as a married couple will be directly related to what?
- What is the only ingredient necessary to make any relationship succeed?