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Chapter 16

  COUNSEL FOR COUNSELLORS
        

           We felt that this book would not be complete

         without including some "Kingdom Principles of

         Counseling", as many of the dear ones who read this

         book will be involved in counseling. These principles

         are lessons learned over the years, that may save

         countless hours of counseling, and may even

         determine the success of the marriage or the

         counseling itself.

         1. "PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH!"

           The Bible says that if you can't shepherd your own

         marriage and family, how do you expect to shepherd

         those who have them? God insists that we first have

         our own act together, taking the "beam from our own

         eye", as it were, before helping counsel others.

           2. ALWAYS MINISTER FROM A ‘RIGHT SPIRIT' OR HEART ATTITUDE.

           Make sure that you, the counselor, have a right

         heart attitude and a right relationship with God

         before attempting to counsel with others. It is a

         Kingdom Principle that THE QUALITY AND        

         CONDITION OF OUR HEART AND SPIRIT IS

         ALWAYS BEING BROADCAST, AND COMES

         THROUGH IN EVERY FORM OF MINISTRY.

           At the beginning of our pastoral ministry in 1972,

         when we pioneered and pastored a church in Phoenix

         for three years, I determined that I would never

         preach a sermon, sing a psalm or song, counsel with

         anyone, lay hands on anyone, prophesy or otherwise

         minister - if I was aware of any wrong relationship

         with the Lord, or with my wife or children.

           As a testimony to the marvelous grace of Yahweh,

         (He gets all the credit!), I can say that during that

         entire three year period of time, I never one time

         failed to do a form of ministry or counseling because

         of a wrong relationship between me and Yahweh or

         Karen and the children.

           I am not claiming that I didn't sin during this time.

         But if I did, I John 1 :9'ed it, repented, got forgiven, and

         then ministered. The Bible says, "Be ye clean, that

         bear the vessels of the Lord."

           BUT! One time, I came close! It was a Sunday

         morning, just before church service, and something

         was wrong between Karen and me. She was upset

         with me about something, (I forget what the issue

         was, but I'm sure that it was her fault! Ha HA !) I

         remember that I pleaded with her, I apologized, I

         repented I may have even tried to use my authority as

         "the husband" or as "the pastor" - but all to no avail.

         At fifteen minutes before church time, with the

         problem still unresolved, an idea came to me. I

         jumped into the car, ran up to the corner drug store,        

         bought some sweets, a "sweet somethings - I love you"

         card, and some "sweet-smellums-skunk- water" type

         of perfume. I had it all gift wrapped, and went dashing

         back to the service. As they had already started, all I

         had time to do on my way up front, was to lovingly lay

         all of these peace offerings in my wife's lap. The next

         time I turned around to look at her, the tears of

         tenderness were running down her cheeks -and then

         we lived happily ever after!!! We had church!!!

           This is a principle in ministry that I have

         maintained. Only yesterday, I turned the church

         service over to someone else, long enough for me to

         go back to where my wife and daughters were sitting

         just to make sure that everything was O.K. It was!

           Again, if someone asks me, "Are you perfect?" My

         answer is, "That's what Christ commands!"

         (Matthew 5:48). If they say, "Don't you ever get a

         wrong spirit towards your wife?" I reply, "I don't

         recommend it!" People often want you to admit that

         you cannot keep a right spirit, in order that they'll

         have an excuse for their wrong spirit, or heart attitude.

           The point is this: IT IS VITAL that every counselor

         have a right heart attitude. If his heart is not tight, that

         which is in his spirit will be communicated and

         imparted through his counseling and ministry.

         Remember we are all "broadcasting" something all

         the time. Let's broadcast the Love of God!!!!!!!

           (For more information about this, please see the

         chapter on "The King's Greatest Secret!")

         3. GET THEM TO AGREE THAT JESUS WILL BE LORD!        

           Before beginning with the counseling itself, and

         before getting into the "issues", insist that each one

         being counseled will agree to sign the "Kingdom

         Contract", or otherwise agree to do what EVER God

         wants them to do! Otherwise you'll be wasting your

         time. I have, on occasion, actually held the door open

         to the room in which we were counseling, and said,

         "There are counselors and churches all over town

         that cater to a "percentage commitment" in

         discipleship. You are welcome to go to one of them! If

         you really really want to do the will of God, I am

         willing to lay down my life for you, but if you want to

         play games of compromise with God, I don't have

         time to cross the street for you!" (We are not, of

         course, talking about sincere seekers.)

           Dear ones, we only have time, in this short life, to

         do the will of God. We, are all too busy than to do

         things outside His Will for us. God's will for us, His

         Plan for us, His Blueprint, His Destiny for us is more

         than a full time job. None of us are wise enough or

         educated enough to be able to counsel people who

         refuse to agree to the Will of God. If they refuse, then

         the best thing I can do is wish them, "good-luck",

         because they'll need all the "luck" they can get,

         outside of the will of God! God Himself will respect

         their wishes for compromise, will not cross their will,

         and will send them to an eternity in hell, if that's what

         they chose.

           Remember, GOD WILL ASSUME 100% RE-

         SPONSIBILITY FOR A LIFE THAT'S TOTALLY

         COMMITTED TO HIM; He will assume a percentage

         responsibility for a life that's only partly committed to

         Him, but He assumes no responsibility whatsoever for

         a life that refuses or neglects to be committed to Him.

         He respects and honors our will and choice in the

         matter.

           To spend valuable time trying to patch things up

         with people who couldn't care less about the will of

         God is a waste. Therefore, the first part of the

         counseling time is spent making sure of their

         commitment to the Perfect Will of God. I personally,

         refuse to progress beyond this point until I get their

         agreement, or the agreement of at least one of them, if

         they are married, If they are contemplating marriage,

         I recommend that the relationship be broken off, if

         one of the two is not totally committed to do God's

         will If they are married, I will counsel them if only

         one of them is willing. The Scripture says, "I will

         avenge their disobedience, when- your obedience is

         complete." God will use the commitment of either

         one of them as a "fulcrum" from which to apply

         leverage to the other towards the Will of God. (We

         discussed this before in the "Four Horses illustration.")

           4. MAKE IT TOTALLY CLEAR THAT YOU

         ARE NOT MINISTERING FROM YOUR OWN

         WISDOM, AND THAT YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE

         IN YOURSELF TO COUNSEL THEM, BUT ONLY

         THE LORD THROUGH YOU. (II CORINTHIANS

         3:5; JOHN 5:19,30) We must never have golf

         confidence, but God-confidence.

           5. MAINTAIN STRICT CONFIDENTIALITY.

         THIS POINT MUST BE ONE OF THE FIRST,        

         BECAUSE IT IS VERY VERY BASIC TO COUN-

         SELLING. Once, long ago, I was in an elder's

         meeting where something of the strictest confidentiality

         was mentioned. We were all sworn to secrecy

         by the presiding apostolic ministry. Before that

         apostle reached home, less than 15 minutes later, his

         wife had received a phone call from someone else

         who had received a phone call, which included the

         very information we were supposed to have kept

         secret! On the other hand, my wife will sometimes tell

         me something she finds out in the natural course of

         events that I had known about in private counsel

         perhaps a year before. However, I had not shared with

         her, because God has taught me the importance of

         maintaining confidence, and a relationship of trust.

         Besides being held responsible before God to

         maintain confidence, one is also susceptible to being

         sued in a court of law for breaking confidence. In

         addition, people often will not share what they

         desperately NEED to share, if they do not feel secure.

           6. INCLUDE THE LORD IN THE SESSION,

         TURNING TO HIM OFTEN IN PRAYER. Learn the

         practice of including God in many, many conversations

         When someone asks me a question I don't know

         the answer to, often I will, without closing my eyes,

         turn to God and say, "Father, what about this, please

         keep on being our wisdom and our mind."

           7. HAVE ALL PARTIES BEING COUNSELLED

         BE PREPARED TO TAKE NOTES.

           The reason for this ‘is, that often during a

         counseling session, a question or comment may        

         come to one or more of the people sitting by, that they

         may want to ask or share, but they don't want to

         interrupt the person who needs to complete the

         thought, or they may want to remember things that

         are said, for future benefit.

         8.   Remind them that "WE WRESTLE NOT

         AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD, but against

         principalities and powers, spiritual wickedness in

         high places,.." etc. (Eph.6) We told this story before,

         but here we tell it again, about a couple who were

         having an argument. Suddenly, the husband caught

         the reflection of light from his wife's ring, and "saw

         the light". He stopped mid-sentence, went around the

         table to his wife, gently took her in his arms, and said,

         "Darling, I'm on YOUR side!"

         9.   "ALWAYS REMAIN AS TEACHABLE AS YOU

         ARE RIGHT NOW!"

         During a time when I was working on construction,

         we were pouring the concrete for a garage floor and

         drive way for an older minister who was just retiring

         from the ministry. As I was just getting started in the

         ministry, I wanted to learn from the old gentleman. I

         asked him, "Sir, with your experience of years in the

         ministry, if you had just one word of advice for a

         young man like me, just starting out in the ministry,

         what would that advice or counsel be?" After pausing

         to ponder the question for a moment, he said,

         "ALWAYS REMAN AS TEACHABLE AS YOU

         ARE RIGHT NOW!" I have always tried to keep that

         advice in mind, and to follow it. For example, if you

         have advice or counsel or rebukes or criticism that        

         you would like to give to me, I would really

         appreciate it if you would.

           The Bible says: "Give instruction to a wise man,

         and he will be still wiser." and "Heed instruction and

         be wise, and do not neglect it." (See Pro.8:33; 9:7-9;

         12:1) James says that "The wisdom that comes from

         above is easy to be entreated".

           We must love correction, if we would be wise. We

         must be able to have an experience where we keep a

         right heart attitude when the wrong person comes to

         us at the wrong time with the wrong attitude giving

         the wrong advice in a wrong manner.

         10. IT IS BEST TO NOT COUNSEL ALONE!

           The Bible says that "In a multitude of counselors

         there is safety." There are a number of very good

         reasons for this:

           A. CONFIRMATION - The Bible says, "At the

         word of two or three witnesses, let every word be

         established." (Mat. 18:16). We are not looking for a

         "yes man" here, but one who, with integrity, will add

         confirmation, and thus greater authority to the

         counsel given"

           B. AFFIRMATION - It always amazes me how

         people being counseled have what is known as

         "selective hearing", or, even worse, "twisted

         hearing". We have seen people counseled that have

         sworn that the counsel given was one thing, but when

         we checked, we discovered that the counselor had

         not said that at all! There are even times when a

         person may be affected by a "lying spirit" (all evil

         spirits lie!). The person will be deceived into believing        

         the lie, and sincerely pass the lie along, as though it is

         truth! This sometimes makes it necessary to verify

         questionable information, and not just glibly assume

         that what a person may be sincerely telling us is true

         at all!!!

           C. AUTHORITY - The Bible says that, "If two of

         you agree as touching anything, it shall be done"

         (Mat.18:19) and "One of you will be able to chase a

         thousand, but two of you will be able to put ten

         thousand to flight." (Deut.32:30). Thus the available

         amount of wisdom is increased synergistically, and

         the authority to bind and loose, and take care of the

         problem.

           D. SEXUAL SAFETY - We are aware of classic

         situations where someone will wrongly accuse the

         counselor of sexual harassment, or of other times

         where the counselor actually did make sexual

         advances. In still other. situations, where the

        counseling had been perfectly moral, a third

         suspicious or jealous party, assumed, and then passed

         along that suspicion, as truth! Sometimes someone

         will tell gross untruth. But, the chances of this

         situation are greatly minimized if a counselor will

         resist the tendency to counsel alone. The Bible says,

         "Abstain from.. every appearance of evil" (I

         Thes.5:22), and "Let not your good be evil spoken

         of." (Ro. 14:16.) If there is another counselor present,

         the possibility of these problems is minimized.

           E, HUMILITY - When more than one counselor is

         present, and positive change takes place, it is more

         difficult for any one individual to take all the credit.        

         This minimizes a "groupie" or "man-worship" or

         "counselor fixation" tendency. All of the credit for

         any good belongs to --- the Lord Yahweh!